MARRIAGE: When marriage hurts, you may wonder if you’re destined for continual disagreement and dissatisfaction. Or is their a path forward, together? Discover how you and your spouse can lead together while respecting God-designed roles in marriage.
Often we equate leadership in the home to specific roles, obligations, and expectations. Did you know that biblical teaching on marriage is really more about following Christ than who’s in charge in the home?
There are five biblical words that capture the heart of the Christian leadership model in the home: strong, sacraficial, spiritual, servant, and support. The first four describes the husband’s role in a godly marriage. The fifth is just for wives.
Five Leadership Keys in Marriage
- Strong (intentional, pure, engaged, addressing the issues)
- Sacrificial (putting others before self, unconditional love)
- Spiritual (investing in spiritual growth, modeling godly character)
- Servant (humble)
When a husband is a strong, sacraficial, spiritual, servant leader of home, wives want to follow, don’t you agree? But when a husband abdicates his leadership responsibility, conflict and disunity result. There is hope. So if you are in this position as a couple, don’t settle for a “less than wonderful” marriage. Rather, seek help from your pastor or a biblical counselor, in person or by Skype.
So how does a wife lead? She leads by supporting her husband. Counterintuitive, isn’t it? Does this mean she brings home the bacon while her guy binges on Netflix? Oh dear Lord, no!
A wife supports him by helping him become the strong-sacraficial-spiritual-servant-leader that God wants them to be. And one part of this is speaking the truth in love.
When a Husband Abuses His Role!
However, if a wife is in an abusive relationship, God provides two primary ways to safety.
One is calling the authorities for protection and justice. If you believe you or your children are in danger, dial 911. God has provided you governing authorities and to the civil laws for your good.
Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. Romans 13:1-2
Get the church involved. Consider following Matthew 18 if your spouse is in sin. Here’s a foundational text in Matthew:
If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17
By faith believe God’s truth that when both spouses embrace God’s design, your marriage will begin to improve. If only one spouse embraces God’s design, you will still see improvement but more slowly.
But rejecting God’s design continues the spiral downward toward conflict and disunity. What you are going to learn in counseling is how to embrace God, each other, and healthy biblical leadership in your home.
There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage. –Martin Luther
Download: Here’s a download that show you how to apply the 5 leadership keys to your marriage. Thank you to Biblical Counseling Center for developing this resource.